Faith is not the same as religion and the church. Faith can be pure, while religion is a man-made device that, by default, will always fall short of true godliness. That’s ok, as long as there is an understanding that faith and religion are not the same. I think many of those who tend to be very religious believe they are more pure than others. That they are better than. They are more forgivable. This is a darker side effect of religion, and a part of faith sector I have no desire to join. This part is felt deeply and destructively by those struggling with addiction. My mom was 100% harder on herself because of the impact it had on the perception of those who are religious. It could have been different. I wish she had ditched the religion sooner and just focused on her faith. She got the point where she felt so deeply ashamed for her sins that she couldn’t go to mass anymore. Like everyone else was pure enough for the eucharist but she wasn’t. The exclusivity behind that is sickening. I see no Jesus in that reasoning, but it’s a highly effective form of social control. I wish someone would have welcomed her. Jesus would have. But not religion.
Shifting the focus to Faith – just pure, plain unadulterated faith. I have that. I have lots of that. I love my relationship with God and I know I have room to grow. My God actually IS radical love. God loves everyone – even addicts – because God created them that way. I don’t know why God did this, but I know they are loved and they are welcomed and they are worthy and I know that God believes they can overcome.
I feel God in nature. I breathe slower, I feel more present, I can talk to God in my head or out loud and it’s so much easier to listen to God there. There are no rules. No expectations. No special things to wear or eat or say or chant. It’s just me and God and prayer and listening and presence and faith. I feel elevated – spiritually connected – open minded. It’s refreshing and resetting. I can tell when I’ve gone too long without tapping into this – without nature. I get more tired and irritable and negative. It’s not just a walk in the woods, it’s a spiritual connection with a God who sees me and hears me and loves me and this God looks SO different than the one I learned about in Catholic school, or bible studies or Church.
I am not sure how to raise my kids when it comes to religion. I want them to be exposed to it and appropriately skeptical in it. I would love to teach them to feel God’s presence and love and grace. Not the masculine, powerful ‘banish to hell for your sins’ God, but one that loves them anyway. I can teach them this God – but maybe nature can do it better. If my kids ever struggle with substance abuse, God forbid, I hope they continue to feel love and acceptance from their faith, as I truly believe that can positively contribute to recovery.
Church for my family is a nature reserve about 10 mins from where we live. 200 acres of rolling hills, woods, streams and prairie land. My kids are only 3 and 5 and sometimes they just yell because it’s windy or muddy or rainy but one day – it’s going to hit them. One day they will stand on a hill, look out over this insanely beautiful world that we are blessed to live in, and know God.
My mom – in nature. With God. Loved deeply, in spite of her demons.
Loving an Addict 